Thanks But No Thanks

Back in March of this year, while still unemployed, I responded to a job posting for a tech support position. The company I applied with, Collabera, is a local company here in Northwest Arkansas run by Middle Eastern and Indian management that provides third-party tech support reps for larger companies. It turned out to be a huge pain in the ass, a less-than-pleasant experience that left me mad as hell. A few days ago I received another email from Collabera informing me that I had been selected for yet another tech support position. For the first time in my life, I responded the way I wanted to instead of just deleting the email. And it was wonderful.


Ronak,

Thank you for contacting me in regard to the position with Hewlett-Packard. I interviewed with your company, Collabera, in March of this year. I met with Jaspal Nandra regarding a similar position with IBM and, even after explaining to him that I had no UNIX or Linux experience—two of the three operating systems listed in the job requirements—was told that I would be suitable for the position. An interview was scheduled with IBM later in the week. Mr. Nandra was to meet me outside the IBM building at 7:30 the morning of the interview, go over some details with me, and accompany me to the interview. He didn’t show up until 8:30, after the interview was over and I was walking to my car. He offered no apology or explanation. It was a colossal waste of my time, as well as IBM’s. And if you, Mr. Purohit, would have read my entire resume, you would have seen that I still have no experience in UNIX or Linux, again, two of the three the operating systems on this job posting for Hewlett-Packard. As I am not keen to waste any more time attempting to communicate with your company in English—which your employees seem have problems understanding—let me crystallize the theme of this response in a more succinct manner:

I would rather dig ditches for a living and live in squalor the rest of my life than to give even the slightest appearance of being in any way associated with the reprehensible façade you call a business. You may consider this email as notice to purge my resume and contact information from your system.

Kiss my ass,

Alan Simmons