Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Cloak and Dagger

I responded to a job posting the other day for a legal assistant. Turns out it's the same place I applied a few months ago. The "interview" back then was actually a timed twelve-minute test asking me if there is a difference between similar words like "miner" and "minor". Um, ok. Then they had me complete a personality test that took two hours to complete. Which I did because I need a freakin' job. I never heard a single word back from the firm. I called back to follow up, and the little teenie bopper answering the phone informed me that, "Um, they've like, filled that position already..." Ok, fine. So when I found out this was the same place, I was concerned. But this time I got a voice mail from Judy, a very nice-sounding lady, asking me to call her to set up an interview. So I promptly called back to set up a time with Judy.

Teenie Bopper Receptionist: Thank you for calling (Law Firm), how may I help you?

Me: Hi, I'm trying to reach Judy.

TBR: Um, we don't have anybody here by that name.

Me: Is this (telephone number Judy left)?

TBR: Yeah...

Me: I'm returning her call, and this is the number she left.

TBR: Sorry, we don't have a Judy here.

Me (confused): O....k... uh, this is going to sound dumb, but... are you sure?

TBR: Are you, like, a client?

Me: No, I'm responding to a job posting for a legal assistant, and Judy called me to—

TBR: Hang on, I'll transfer you...

Me (What the?): Ok, thanks...

So I finally reach the elusive Judy and, deciding to take the high road and not question her about her apparent secret identity, I explain that I had already been through the testing gauntlet, passed, and also completed the personality testing, to which she replied, "Well then, you know how it works." No, but I'm getting a pretty good idea. So I went today for the "interview", and, just like before, all the applicants were herded into a conference room to decipher the enigma of the difference between words like "affect" and "effect", "altar" and "alter", and, the most challenging of all, "aisle" and "isle". Fortunately, the personality test had been significantly shortened and only took a half hour. As we were leaving we were told that we would hear something either way within just a few days. I'm not holding my breadth.